Feeling “Off” Lately? This Is the Free Tool That Helps Me Decode My Moods.
For those days when your neurodivergent brain is as flat as roadkill (and you’re not sure why)
I sit around a lot feeling like a possum that got hit by a dump truck, and I’m never sure what the hell my problem is.
Because from my perspective, there is no truck. It’s just me, flattened, with tire tracks on my face and no clue how they got there.
Usually, it takes me days to figure out what’s going on. Then I land on something that, in hindsight, feels embarrassingly obvious.
Of course you felt anxious and disgusted after binging every documentary you could find on that one serial killer and then also checking out and reading each book the library had on the subject. Duh. Who wouldn’t?
I’ve learned there’s actually a term for this kind of cornfuzzlement: alexithymia, or “emotional blindness.”
It means I have trouble recognizing and expressing my feelings, which, honestly, isn’t surprising. Growing up in the ultra-conservative U.S. Midwest, as a woman, I’m supposed to be “nice” and cater to everyone but myself.
Recognizing my needs would be selfish, after all. And we definitely wouldn’t want to upset anyone with uncomfortable things that veer off into the realm of negativity, would we? (Get me my sarcasm font, STAT!)
Where I’m from, spicy emotions like anger are practically contraband — definitely not “ladylike.” So, naturally, I’m an all-pro shover downer of all the feels.
But ignoring feelings doesn’t make them skedaddle. And now that I’m armed with three years of intense therapy and a diagnosis that explains a lot, I’m left wondering: Now what?
Enter the ✨WHEEL OF FEELINGS✨
There are lots of tools and strategies out there to help work through alexithymia. And the one I landed on is called a feelings wheel.
It’s a chart of emotions arranged in a circle of brightly colored slices, kinda like a psychological pizza. You pick that bad boy up and find a word that gets you closer to recognizing whatever the heck is knocking around in your brain and body today.
When I’m feeling off, I get curious and peep my wheel. And I’ve been surprised how often I find myself starting in the ANGER triangle.
Am I “anxious?” Mayhaps.
“Frustrated?” Es posibile.
“Resentful?” Hoo boy. Yeah, that one lands.
More often than not, I find myself mired in the Simmering Pot of Eternal Pissiness — critical, hurt, irritated, sarcastic, skeptical, and withdrawn.
I don’t consider myself an angry person. But anger don’t take too kindly to being shoved in a dusty brain bin for 30+ years. And while I might not be a screamer, drywall puncher, or thrower of things, I recognize that my old buddy anger oozes out of me in other, less flashy ways.
It’s unsettling how often these emotions lurk in the background, blanketed by numbness. And with alexithymia in the mix, I’m only barely aware of them, like the emotional equivalent of trying to snorkel in muddy water.
Decoding decades of millennial baggage, one slice at a time
My anger most definitely stems from the battle scars of life as a millennial. There’s no medal for surviving countless rounds of economic strife, terrorist attacks, and political chaos.
My only “prize” is opening a big ole putrid trash bag of suppressed rage. And it’s not even one of those high-quality ones that smells nice and stretches to accommodate all the garbage. It’s a dollar store special that leaks suspicious goo and rips open as you remove it from the can.
I’m realizing that although I can’t always pin it down immediately, my discomfort is specific. There’s a reason I feel agitated, and as a human being I’m entitled to my emotions whether or not other people are comfortable with them.
How I use the feelings wheel (and how you can, too)
When I feel that familiar fog rolling in, I take a deep breath and reach for mah wheel. I says to myself, “Self, which slice am I in today?” And just having some freaking words for the emotion helps it feel more manageable.
Feelings wheels are available for free as simple images online. But in the spirit of allowing myself to have accommodations without shame, I purchased a physical one. There’s something about seeing my feelings in snazzy colors and satisfying lines that just tickles my zesty brain.
My wheel includes a section on the back with things I can control and things I can’t control. It’s been indispensable when my sense of justice and rejection sensitivity team up to ruin my life.
So the next time you’re being flattened by your own invisible dump truck, get up on the Google and give the feelings wheel a spin.
It’s definitely helping my inner possum feel a little less like roadkill.
I love the "what I can control vs not control" infographic. That's my biggest focus right now: learning to accept (if not condone) the things I can't control while directing my energy toward what I can.
Really Good Stuff....
Ima get me a feelings wheel, too 😉